# acceptance

We're meant to feel like we can’t handle horrible news or effect change. We focus on our self(ish)-care and we invest more in "wellness." We don’t truly heal because these systems rely on the energy we generate from endlessly running on our hamster wheels of trauma.

A literary addendum to the Voices on the Side podcast. Notes on my conversation with Ruby Sheng Nichols.

What happens when someone with body dysmorphia gets pregnant? First time around when I had my son, the voice of my disorder overtook any wisdom and compassion. This time around being pregnant with my daughter, I resolve to be stronger.

I spent most of my life thinking I was fine - independent, strong, so accepting of my mom's "condition." When I became a mother and realized that I had never had and would never have a mother I could rely on, it broke me. Pain must be seen and held - with love. Then, space is created for healing.

This is a reflection of the painful transition period of becoming a mother. I spent years feeling like I was neither here nor there, one foot in/one foot out, which is an impossible way to move through life. As I started to accept myself, I realized there was a lot of joy to uncover.