# maternal mental health

What happens when someone with body dysmorphia gets pregnant? First time around when I had my son, the voice of my disorder overtook any wisdom and compassion. This time around being pregnant with my daughter, I resolve to be stronger.

Postpartum depression robbed me of my ability to feel joy when I had my first baby. While pregnant with my second, I knew I could not control how I would feel. Would it feel like "the most precious time"? All I could do was lean into support and trust that the joy would come in its own way and time.

I spent most of my life thinking I was fine - independent, strong, so accepting of my mom's "condition." When I became a mother and realized that I had never had and would never have a mother I could rely on, it broke me. Pain must be seen and held - with love. Then, space is created for healing.

This is a reflection of the painful transition period of becoming a mother. I spent years feeling like I was neither here nor there, one foot in/one foot out, which is an impossible way to move through life. As I started to accept myself, I realized there was a lot of joy to uncover.

Spending time with Ruby reminds you that there is magic everywhere. Postpartum depression pulled her to rock bottom where she excavated joy and rediscovered her connection to her true self. Her heartfelt candor is liberating, reassuring, and she'll connect you to your angels to boot.