# second pregnancy

Postpartum depression robbed me of my ability to feel joy when I had my first baby. While pregnant with my second, I knew I could not control how I would feel. Would it feel like "the most precious time"? All I could do was lean into support and trust that the joy would come in its own way and time.

I made the mistake of Googling every little thing during my first pregnancy. It never left me feeling better and it often gave me misinformation. I got caught in the urge to go down the Google rabbit hole again with my second pregnancy. The moral of the story is: Don't do it!

I'm pregnant with my second but I'm not a "baby person." I've never really liked the newborn baby smell that most people seem to find so delicious. For me, this smell is tied to postpartum depression, which I know I could experience again.

There's so much happening and changing in your body during first trimester. Even as a yoga teacher going through my second pregnancy, I've had to learn to be present with what my body needs in the moment. Sometimes the best thing to do is to do less.

From a young age, I have needed to control my body. I was heavily influenced by the media that said we could never be thin enough. As a yoga teacher, I told myself I had to be thin. This thinking infiltrated my first pregnancy. With my second I am determined to be more accepting of my growing body.