How Parenting Heals
When I first became a mother I would never have believed what I do now, that parenting can potentially be a portal of healing. As I mother in ways that I was not mothered, I get to rewrite the script. While this doesn't erase the past, it brings opportunity for peace to sit alongside the sadness.
The Quiet Resurgence of Trauma
I was prepared to possibly experience postpartum depression with my second. It didn't happen. Yet I was subconsciously bracing myself for something bad to happen. ER visits felt like an ominous sign. I didn't realize until after the fact that PTSD had quietly been infiltrating my thinking.
Do Not Google
I made the mistake of Googling every little thing during my first pregnancy. It never left me feeling better and it often gave me misinformation. I got caught in the urge to go down the Google rabbit hole again with my second pregnancy. The moral of the story is: Don't do it!
Oh, that Newborn Smell!
I'm pregnant with my second but I'm not a "baby person." I've never really liked the newborn baby smell that most people seem to find so delicious. For me, this smell is tied to postpartum depression, which I know I could experience again.
The Age Gap
With every passing year, I felt like I was missing my chance to have a second child. I compared myself to other parents whose children were 2-3 years apart. Our kids will be 6.5 years apart and it feels perfect for us.