# postpartum depression

Postpartum depression robbed me of my ability to feel joy when I had my first baby. While pregnant with my second, I knew I could not control how I would feel. Would it feel like "the most precious time"? All I could do was lean into support and trust that the joy would come in its own way and time.

I spent most of my life thinking I was fine - independent, strong, so accepting of my mom's "condition." When I became a mother and realized that I had never had and would never have a mother I could rely on, it broke me. Pain must be seen and held - with love. Then, space is created for healing.

Spending time with Ruby reminds you that there is magic everywhere. Postpartum depression pulled her to rock bottom where she excavated joy and rediscovered her connection to her true self. Her heartfelt candor is liberating, reassuring, and she'll connect you to your angels to boot.

The words we say to ourselves and to each other are so important. As we all become more informed about mental illness, we can all learn to be a source of validation and comfort. It starts simply with listening and discarding harmful platitudes.

When I first became a mother I would never have believed what I do now, that parenting can potentially be a portal of healing. As I mother in ways that I was not mothered, I get to rewrite the script. While this doesn't erase the past, it brings opportunity for peace to sit alongside the sadness.