# trauma

I was prepared to possibly experience postpartum depression with my second. It didn't happen. Yet I was subconsciously bracing myself for something bad to happen. ER visits felt like an ominous sign. I didn't realize until after the fact that PTSD had quietly been infiltrating my thinking.

I'm pregnant with my second but I'm not a "baby person." I've never really liked the newborn baby smell that most people seem to find so delicious. For me, this smell is tied to postpartum depression, which I know I could experience again.